I Haz The Rage...

Do I expect too much from people?

All I want is some common sense, follow through on plans, and act like an intelligent human being.

The SU and I have been together now for 20.5 years. When I met him, I was only interested in friendship; he took me out to eat when I broke up with my boyfriend, and he was available to pick me up when I wrecked my car on my parents' 25th anniversary. And two years later, I'd not seen him in a while and he offered a way out of a disastrous relationship.

We began dating; I didn't see it lasting. He was full of plans and ideas for the future, and when circumstances dictated we get married, well, I did a stupid thing.

I allowed him to yell at me and make me feel guilty. I tolerated it for several years, taking the blame when everything went wrong financially. After all, I was the one who caused it, and was not contributing.

And then I found my backbone. And decided to find happiness in my own small ways. And for a while, I was content with life.

Yes, I married a man who talks a good game, but never follows through. When he has the time for things, he never has the money to do it. Conversely, when he has the money and the means to do certain things, there's never any time. Or, his heart acts up. His sugar spikes.

The past two months, his 'grandkids' have been with us. Here's the family dynamic: His adopted sister has a daughter whom my SU practically raised from the time she was 18 months until age six. She calls him 'Uncle', but sends him Father's Day cards. Therefore, her two children are his 'grandchildren', even though there's no blood relation. Confused? Don't worry; you're not alone!

Anyway, back in May, J calls me, b/c Miss Drama Queen and Mr. Energy want to spend a week with us. ME has summer school, beginning in June, so if we do not take them Memorial Day weekend, then it won't be until July. Since she has car issues, and we were going to be in Indy anyway, and she happens to live w/in walking distance of the 500 track, it seemed logical to grab them then, so we did. Three days later, she calls. Turns out her deadbeat boyfriend didn't pay her May rent, so she has to move. Summer school won't be happening. I decided to keep the kids for the summer while she got her act together.

I start Aunt Molly's Summer Reading Program for all three kids, since mine needs tutoring and a friend offered to do it. Well, things went sour on her end and now we've only had three tutoring sessions all summer. I hope my efforts have paid off; I'll find out soon. Anyway, back to MDQ and ME.

During the month of June, ME had anger issues. Hit his sister, picked fights. In July, he's doing better with the anger.

MDQ, on the other hand, sometimes acts as if she doesn't have a brain in her head. She whines over the littlest thing, and overreacts to pain or different situations. Drives. Me. INSANE! Sometimes I feel we need to just wrap her in bubble wrap to keep her from injury. Granted, when she arrived here, she had strep throat. But since then, she's had a UTI and is now heading for a sinus infection. Plus has been through six boxes of Band Aids. We bought 4 three weeks ago, and thankfully only one has been used. Maybe the injuries are starting to become fewer? I don't fuss over her injuries; I simply clean her up and send her on her way. Or, if it happens too often, then yeah, I get annoyed by her 'OH it HURTS!' Shut up; there's no blood; get over it!

I've noticed if she's not the center of attention, suddenly she's pouting; has a headache; 'everyone is being mean'...in short, 'Poor Me' (can I gag?)

I must be suffering from an extreme form of PMS, because I unloaded on everyone today. All summer I've been talking about my mini-HS reunion. I decided to skip a local festival a) b/c I wasn't expecting any releases until September and b) the reunion is the same day. Plus, it's the Grandkids' b-day (yup, born one year apart on the same day.)

So I've tried to pin down my spouse as to plans. I would like to take them to the water park; then to my mom's; and off to my reunion. On Sat, take the kids to Indy; go swimming with them/celebrate their b-day; return to my mom's in time for pitch-in, karaoke/concert.

He starts yelling about gas prices and how all I want to do is spend his money. I start offering compromises; I'll be willing to forego Sat night. We can come home after the kids' b-day party. He still isn't happy.

Fine; I'll have my dad come get me Friday, and have him drive me to Indy to meet everyone on Sat. He says that's not fair to my father. And that's where he stopped talking about it.

I unloaded on the kids at the library. Every time we go, I tell them to WALK, not run. What does ME and my youngling do as soon as we get inside? Run for the Youth Dept. Jump down the stairs. I heard a shriek in the sunroom as I was looking for a particular book.

I'd had enough. I rounded them up and we went to the car. Took them home, and then went back by myself.

Hadn't been home two minutes when MDQ tripped and fell. I have a little bit of sympathy for her, because I did the same thing myself last month at the neighbor's house. But she's not bleeding. 'My fiiiiiinnnnngggeeerrrrrrr huuuuurrrrts.....I think I broooke it....' No, it's not broken. I had her run it under cold water and she's fine now.

Our shower is in the basement, and yeah, it's a little complicated. I take MDQ down and start the shower, then I sit down there with her until she's finished. She can shut it off; just can't start it. But what really drove me insane tonight is this: She stripped off her clothes and hopped in...'I forgot my jammies....and my towel...oh, and my underwear....and can you get me a wash cloth?"

The child is going to be ten years old next Sat. Her younger brother collects his clean underwear and towel before he gets in the shower; why the hell can't she? Before we cut her hair last week, yeah, I'd have to help her with the shampoo/conditioner. But now it's easier for her to do herself. When my daughter was ten, she was more than capable of taking care of her own hair!

And the hair itself is an issue: Granted, the spouse was only supposed to take an inch or so off. Well, he got clipper-happy, and her once-shoulder length hair is now around her ears. Looks cute. And as I stated earler, a lot cooler for her and easier to care for.

But she doesn't like the way it kinks up. "Everyone will make fun of my hair'. NO THEY WON'T! So what does her mom say? "I'm getting her hair extensions for her b-day." The CHILD is TEN!

Oh, and J was supposed to move into an apartment tomorrow. Well that's not going to happen now, because it's no longer available. Now her plan is to move in with her mom, giving her money every week. Kids will ride the bus and maybe stay with a friend of hers before and after school, since J works 7am-5:30pm and three times a week 11pm-6am. My question is, when is she going to be a PARENT?

I offered to keep them and send them to school down here. We have the TIME to be involved; both kids want to be in scouts. That ain't gonna happen if they go home. But J misses her kids and wants them with her. I just saw my SIL post on FB "I feel very overwhelmed at this point

in time. When you try to keep things simple one moment at a time you get hit with so much..."

I wanted to comment, 'Oh, did J tell you her 'plan'?

J and the kids lived with her from 2009-2010. SIL was NOT happy with the way things were

going then. Last year at this time, J sent the kids to another aunt's in Wisconsin, with the plan

being she would move up there. Well, her health went sour. Kids returned Thanksgiving, after

J had her appendix out, gall bladder checked, and is still having issues. Oh, and according to

the kids, her deadbeat boyfriend cheated on her twice, but she took him back 'because I LOVE

him' (insert whiny voice). MDQ can't stand him. Get a clue; your kids come FIRST!

SIL has said if J hasn't gotten her act together by Aug, she's taking the kids away permanently.

I'm waiting to see if that happens, or if she's another one who won't 'follow through'.

Sorry about the extended rant; I'm a little hot under the collar over this whole mess. And I

can't get anyone to listen to me, because 'I'm not the best housekeeper' (YOU try having a clean

house with seven people in a 2 BRM, 1 Bath house, where only one person seems to give a

damn!) and 'they're not blood related' and 'you can't afford it'....Damn it, this is the only home

they've known where discipline is consistant; they aren't being dragged all over Hell's Half

Acre; and where someone actually cares about THEM, rather than their damn career/

lovelife! Yes, my SIL has just moved her boyfriend of the past year into her condo.

Who's the stable family unit here?

Making and Breaking Promises....

I'm wondering if I've a right to be upset with a certain person. She knows about my little one's issues and offered her help, but it's been one postponement after another. Here it is, July 1st, and she's only been over ONCE this summer, to evaluate him. I thought she'd be over once a week (so now she's missed 3) for intensive tutoring.

I can't do this all by myself. I've dragged the child to the library; had him reading game board instructions; historical markers; and every time the words 'I'm bored' come out of his mouth, I shove his library book at him and tell him to read me at least one page.

Last week she emailed and said she'd come on Thurs. Yesterday it was 'I'll be over after my shift'; and a few mins ago, a message 'A co-worker's home caught fire and we're all going over to see what can be salvaged..how about if I come over on Tues?.' I had to restrain myself from sending a snarky comment about commitment to children.

In the end, I just 'sighed' and said I understood about emergencies, and told her about my only appointment next week.

I WANTED a weekly tutoring schedule. What I'm GETTING is a once-a-month 'let's see if your mom's doing as good a job as I can'.

Right now, I only hope my efforts ARE paying off, and that in six weeks he will get the 2nd grade teacher who will work with him, or the school allows him to go to 1st grade for reading until he catches up. Otherwise, I'm in for a rough school year, and having no choice but to hold him back.

And to make things more stressful, my stepdaughter is living in a motel, having lost her home, and her kids are living with us and wreaking havok. Why is it if one member of the family gets something to eat, EVERYONE has to have the same thing, even if they just ate an hour earlier? OMG....cereal in the morning....then if daughter wakes up and fixes ramen noodles, both kids are like, 'I want some too!' Uncle Dad gets out tacquitos and queso dip...'I want some...' I swear, these two could hear a Doritos bag being opened if they were three doors down at the neighbor's house! I miss my hour where I could safely melt a square of chocolate almond bark and enjoy some chocolate-dipped pretzels. If these two end up with us for the next school year, I'll have to wait six more weeks.

But having them here is my choice; they have a stable home life with us; they aren't being constantly dragged around or being yelled at by a grumpy, sleep-deprived parent who insists on 'working things out' with her deadbeat boyfriend 'because I LOVE him'...even though he has 8 kids with three other women....thank GOD she had her tubes tied!....get a clue; your kids are supposed to come FIRST, not a leech whose SSI checks go for child support.

As I ranted to a friend a few weeks ago: This is what's been going on since she moved to the 'big city', where opportunities are better:

She moves in with 'a friend' but suddenly car breaks down/gets sick/kids get sick/gets fired

or laid off from work. Then she's looking for another place to live/new job.

2005: Began working in Indpls, but since day care was too expensive, her kids
came to live with us, with the understanding she would come over, have dinner
with them, and tuck them into bed (she worked 11pm-6am). But gas prices shot
up, so she only arrived Friday mornings...then Fri night....then Sat
morning....Sat afternoon...you get the picture. Sometimes she didn't show up at
all (We lived half hour from her job).

May 2006: She lost that job, and her apartment, but went on a temp job and met
a new friend. Suddenly, the plan is she'll move in with her, and since the
friend will be working days instead of nights, J will watch her kids and vice
versa. This is when I had my meltdown and hoped she'd get her act together.

July 2006: Kids are back in our care b/c things went sour with her new
'friend'. She's met a guy who'll help her out.

Sept 2006: She and new b/f move in together; kids now staying with their dad,
who's out of jail, since MDQ (Miss Drama Queen) has to start kdgn.

2007: She and b/f find new house; take kids from dad permanently.

2008: My hubby stays with them for five months instead of motel room, and she
literally nickels and dimes him to death every week for help with bills/car
expenses/internet hook up/twenty bucks here and there. He tells me he'll never
stay with her again.

2009: She moves in with her mom 'to get her finances straightened out'. Has
medical probs in fall; can't work. Drives my SIL crazy.

2010: Surgery in Feb; supposed to return to work. Nope; complications keep her
from working.

Aug 2010: Ships her kids to aunt's house in Wisconsin. They're back by
Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, she and b/f find house and move in. Her brother gets
her a job.

May 2011: Discovers b/f has been cheating and not paying rent. Meanwhile, kids
are back in my care. She asks if we can keep them until she finds another place
to live. I tell her I'll keep them for summer, and maybe longer.

June 2011: She's staying in motel for a week, then moving in with another
'friend'. Her car's been repo'ed, and she's looking for a better paying job.

I'm fed up with her. My SIL has made noises about taking the kids away from
her; I say the same thing. We have the time and energy to give them a stable
home, since I work at home and hubby's retired. SIL works full time plus
consults, and her new b/f just moved in with HER. We have seven people in a two
bedroom/1 bath house. Mr. Energy sleeps in Will's bed; MDQ on the couch; my youngling
on air mattress with his big brother, who's home from college.

And in the meantime, I discover one of my release dates has been moved up to July 6th! Time for my hubby to step up and help out around here so I can work on my edits and do my JOB! I'm now editing four books, one of which has a deadline of Monday, if I hope to keep that release date. Fortunately, there isn't as many errors as the other three, so this should be a breeze. I'm only seeing one comment where I need to rework it.

Anyway, that's my rant for the month. Sometimes I neglect this space too long.

Grrrrrr...Grow Up, Will You????

I've done it again. Put blind trust into an old friend and now I'm regretting it. When the hell will I EVER learn??

Here's the thing: I hadn't spoken to this person in quite a while, and since her birthday is coming up, I thought I'd check in with her and let her know my cell phone number, so she'd pick up when I called. She was delighted to hear my voice, and was sympathetic when I told what had gone wrong with our home phone and our finances.

Just to inject something here for a moment: My cell is pre-paid. $40 gets me 400 minutes, and when we had the home phone, I could easily stretch those minutes into five or six months. But since my cell is now our primary phone, I'm lucky if I get a month's worth. So I tend to text a lot, or keep phone conversations BRIEF, unless I'm talking to my mom, my BFF, or one of my kids.

So anyway, after a thirty minute conversation with my friend, we said goodbye, with me promising to call her on her b-day.

The next day, my phone rings. And it's her. Now granted, I had a choice to answer or ignore. I answered.....and it was just her, griping because she's sick and can I come down and take care of her?

Whoa...(sound of record scratching). Can I what? I'm an hour away; it's a freaking school night; and you're how old now? Give me a break! If you're sick, call your dad or one of your sisters. Do not run up my minutes over an asinine question like that!

Now granted, maybe she was teasing, and did not expect me to drop everything and go to her. And yes, maybe I should have hit the 'ignore' button, since I was in my writer's meeting. But still, I have issues calling people on their cell phones; I don't like to unless absolutely necessary. So if you're a friend and just want to chat, find me on facebook or send me an email, or a text. If I see this is going to be a long drawn out text-fest, I'll call you.

But please respect my precious minutes and don't call me unless it something important?

Nag Nag Nag...

I've been hosting authors on my blog now for nearly 18 months, and it's been harder than I ever imagined. I thought all I'd have to do is upload a cover or two, and the interview. But no; I have to format the interview around the covers; send out gentle reminders to the authors when they don't respond; remember which promotion manager belongs to which author. And also respond when authors want multiple months, explaining I'm full.

I've also had to deal with loss of traffic to my blog. I don't know if it's my message on the loops, or the fact I've had authors I've never heard of requesting interviews and don't know if they're posting their own promos. I can only do so much.

With that said, I don't think I'll send out any more invitations, other than the authors I DO have relationships with. Cindy's already gotten more comments in the past two hours than some authors have had in two days.

And I just got an email from a promotional manager, wondering why her author wasn't featured today. I can't post something I never got! I told her I had another author on standby for next week if I didn't hear from her other author. Again, there's only so much I can do on my end.

Shampoo Wars

Why must companies always have to 'new and improve' stuff? Can't they keep well enough alone?

For years I used Ivory Shampoo and Conditioner. Then they decided to combine it. I HATED it. And since I was now a young mother with a baby, and had to take fast showers, I switched to Pantene.

Their 2-in-1 for normal hair was awesome! And when I decided to start color-treating my hair or perming it, I switched to the appropriate formula.

And then we decided to join Quixtar. I tried their shampoo and conditioner, and liked it. But four years later, we could not afford to stay in, so it was back to the store brands.

Now Pantene's 'normal' could not be found. But they has 'Classic Clean' as well as the 'Color-treated' kind. When I had my hair highlighted, I used the softer, color-treated. But otherwise, I used Classic Clean.

Until two months ago. Walmart doesn't carry it anymore, and Pantene now has formulas for Frizzy to Smooth; Dry to Moisture; Flat to Volume. WTH??? I checked at CVS: They still carried the Classic Clean. Thank God!

But two weeks ago, we were in a hurry, and I only wanted to make one stop.

I decided to try Flat to Volume.

UGH! It made my hair feel like it had glue in it!

Then I went to my mom's house for three days. She had the 'Smooth' kind. I used it, and it took the gloppy feel out of my hair. Oh happy day!

Coming home, I decided to try my daughter's 'Color Me Happy' from Herbal Essence. I hated the smell, but at least it didn't weigh my hair down. Convinced the hubby to take me back to Walmart, where I picked up a bottle of Frizzy to Smooth. And tried it this morning.

Success:) I like it!

As soon as I can afford it, I'm going to go back to CVS and buy up several bottles of Classic Clean, if they still have it. Otherwise, I'll lay in a supply of the F-S so I won't be caught in this predicament again.

Until they decide to 'improve' the line again....(eye roll!)

Where Did My Idea Go?

Ever get an idea for a good rant, but no time to write?

I put it off until I could rant in peace....but now it's gone. Maybe it will return...

Yada Yada-ing Sex

I was relieved the other day when I attended a chat. For once, the family left me alone, and I could chat in peace with a couple of my friends and potential readers.

And then the owner of the chat loop threw out the question: 'How do you keep sex scenes fresh'?

I thought I was about to take some heat for my answer: I was moving away from the 'in-your-face' scenarios and more into the sensual, 'more-left-to-the-imagination' sort. And thankfully, no one yelled at me.

Am I getting tired of Erotica? I like stories with strong plots. I recently read a book by one of my friends, and the premise had appealed to me ever since I found out about it. But halfway into it, I realized I was skipping over the sex scenes. Oh, I eagerly devoured the first two, don't get me wrong. After all, one girl with four guys? YUM! But as I said, I read the build up to the sex scenes, skipped the actual action, and picked it up after the clean-up. I wanted more of what went on outside the bedroom.

In fact, I did this with one of my own stories. When I initially wrote it, I showed everything that went on once my H/h were alone. But when I reread it last year, I decided to cut out several of the scenes, or at least modify them. Surely sex for the sake of sex wasn't needed; after all, when two people in love tuck the kids in at night, there's bound to be some sort of sexual activity, right? But why have a long, drawn out sex scene when you already know what's going to happen? Now I will hint at it, if they choose to enjoy themselves in front of the fire, instead of moving into the bedroom, or even start in one room, only to move into the other.

I seem to do this at least once a year; tire of reading the sex scenes. Give me plot!

Anyone else agree with me? Or am I just strange?