All I want is some common sense, follow through on plans, and act like an intelligent human being.
The SU and I have been together now for 20.5 years. When I met him, I was only interested in friendship; he took me out to eat when I broke up with my boyfriend, and he was available to pick me up when I wrecked my car on my parents' 25th anniversary. And two years later, I'd not seen him in a while and he offered a way out of a disastrous relationship.
We began dating; I didn't see it lasting. He was full of plans and ideas for the future, and when circumstances dictated we get married, well, I did a stupid thing.
I allowed him to yell at me and make me feel guilty. I tolerated it for several years, taking the blame when everything went wrong financially. After all, I was the one who caused it, and was not contributing.
And then I found my backbone. And decided to find happiness in my own small ways. And for a while, I was content with life.
Yes, I married a man who talks a good game, but never follows through. When he has the time for things, he never has the money to do it. Conversely, when he has the money and the means to do certain things, there's never any time. Or, his heart acts up. His sugar spikes.
The past two months, his 'grandkids' have been with us. Here's the family dynamic: His adopted sister has a daughter whom my SU practically raised from the time she was 18 months until age six. She calls him 'Uncle', but sends him Father's Day cards. Therefore, her two children are his 'grandchildren', even though there's no blood relation. Confused? Don't worry; you're not alone!
Anyway, back in May, J calls me, b/c Miss Drama Queen and Mr. Energy want to spend a week with us. ME has summer school, beginning in June, so if we do not take them Memorial Day weekend, then it won't be until July. Since she has car issues, and we were going to be in Indy anyway, and she happens to live w/in walking distance of the 500 track, it seemed logical to grab them then, so we did. Three days later, she calls. Turns out her deadbeat boyfriend didn't pay her May rent, so she has to move. Summer school won't be happening. I decided to keep the kids for the summer while she got her act together.
I start Aunt Molly's Summer Reading Program for all three kids, since mine needs tutoring and a friend offered to do it. Well, things went sour on her end and now we've only had three tutoring sessions all summer. I hope my efforts have paid off; I'll find out soon. Anyway, back to MDQ and ME.
During the month of June, ME had anger issues. Hit his sister, picked fights. In July, he's doing better with the anger.
MDQ, on the other hand, sometimes acts as if she doesn't have a brain in her head. She whines over the littlest thing, and overreacts to pain or different situations. Drives. Me. INSANE! Sometimes I feel we need to just wrap her in bubble wrap to keep her from injury. Granted, when she arrived here, she had strep throat. But since then, she's had a UTI and is now heading for a sinus infection. Plus has been through six boxes of Band Aids. We bought 4 three weeks ago, and thankfully only one has been used. Maybe the injuries are starting to become fewer? I don't fuss over her injuries; I simply clean her up and send her on her way. Or, if it happens too often, then yeah, I get annoyed by her 'OH it HURTS!' Shut up; there's no blood; get over it!
I've noticed if she's not the center of attention, suddenly she's pouting; has a headache; 'everyone is being mean'...in short, 'Poor Me' (can I gag?)
I must be suffering from an extreme form of PMS, because I unloaded on everyone today. All summer I've been talking about my mini-HS reunion. I decided to skip a local festival a) b/c I wasn't expecting any releases until September and b) the reunion is the same day. Plus, it's the Grandkids' b-day (yup, born one year apart on the same day.)
So I've tried to pin down my spouse as to plans. I would like to take them to the water park; then to my mom's; and off to my reunion. On Sat, take the kids to Indy; go swimming with them/celebrate their b-day; return to my mom's in time for pitch-in, karaoke/concert.
He starts yelling about gas prices and how all I want to do is spend his money. I start offering compromises; I'll be willing to forego Sat night. We can come home after the kids' b-day party. He still isn't happy.
Fine; I'll have my dad come get me Friday, and have him drive me to Indy to meet everyone on Sat. He says that's not fair to my father. And that's where he stopped talking about it.
I unloaded on the kids at the library. Every time we go, I tell them to WALK, not run. What does ME and my youngling do as soon as we get inside? Run for the Youth Dept. Jump down the stairs. I heard a shriek in the sunroom as I was looking for a particular book.
I'd had enough. I rounded them up and we went to the car. Took them home, and then went back by myself.
Hadn't been home two minutes when MDQ tripped and fell. I have a little bit of sympathy for her, because I did the same thing myself last month at the neighbor's house. But she's not bleeding. 'My fiiiiiinnnnngggeeerrrrrrr huuuuurrrrts.....I think I broooke it....' No, it's not broken. I had her run it under cold water and she's fine now.
Our shower is in the basement, and yeah, it's a little complicated. I take MDQ down and start the shower, then I sit down there with her until she's finished. She can shut it off; just can't start it. But what really drove me insane tonight is this: She stripped off her clothes and hopped in...'I forgot my jammies....and my towel...oh, and my underwear....and can you get me a wash cloth?"
The child is going to be ten years old next Sat. Her younger brother collects his clean underwear and towel before he gets in the shower; why the hell can't she? Before we cut her hair last week, yeah, I'd have to help her with the shampoo/conditioner. But now it's easier for her to do herself. When my daughter was ten, she was more than capable of taking care of her own hair!
And the hair itself is an issue: Granted, the spouse was only supposed to take an inch or so off. Well, he got clipper-happy, and her once-shoulder length hair is now around her ears. Looks cute. And as I stated earler, a lot cooler for her and easier to care for.
But she doesn't like the way it kinks up. "Everyone will make fun of my hair'. NO THEY WON'T! So what does her mom say? "I'm getting her hair extensions for her b-day." The CHILD is TEN!
Oh, and J was supposed to move into an apartment tomorrow. Well that's not going to happen now, because it's no longer available. Now her plan is to move in with her mom, giving her money every week. Kids will ride the bus and maybe stay with a friend of hers before and after school, since J works 7am-5:30pm and three times a week 11pm-6am. My question is, when is she going to be a PARENT?
I offered to keep them and send them to school down here. We have the TIME to be involved; both kids want to be in scouts. That ain't gonna happen if they go home. But J misses her kids and wants them with her. I just saw my SIL post on FB "I feel very overwhelmed at this point
in time. When you try to keep things simple one moment at a time you get hit with so much..."
I wanted to comment, 'Oh, did J tell you her 'plan'?
J and the kids lived with her from 2009-2010. SIL was NOT happy with the way things were
going then. Last year at this time, J sent the kids to another aunt's in Wisconsin, with the plan
being she would move up there. Well, her health went sour. Kids returned Thanksgiving, after
J had her appendix out, gall bladder checked, and is still having issues. Oh, and according to
the kids, her deadbeat boyfriend cheated on her twice, but she took him back 'because I LOVE
him' (insert whiny voice). MDQ can't stand him. Get a clue; your kids come FIRST!
SIL has said if J hasn't gotten her act together by Aug, she's taking the kids away permanently.
I'm waiting to see if that happens, or if she's another one who won't 'follow through'.
Sorry about the extended rant; I'm a little hot under the collar over this whole mess. And I
can't get anyone to listen to me, because 'I'm not the best housekeeper' (YOU try having a clean
house with seven people in a 2 BRM, 1 Bath house, where only one person seems to give a
damn!) and 'they're not blood related' and 'you can't afford it'....Damn it, this is the only home
they've known where discipline is consistant; they aren't being dragged all over Hell's Half
Acre; and where someone actually cares about THEM, rather than their damn career/
lovelife! Yes, my SIL has just moved her boyfriend of the past year into her condo.
Who's the stable family unit here?