Tuesday, December 11, 2012
The strangest and mind-blowing conversation took place today. My HS boyfriend found me on face book a few months back, and we've been chatting occasionally. I finally got the courage to ask him a question which has been on my mind for nearly 30 years.
I would change a lot of things I did. Mostly how I fucked things up with you
It was a learning experience. I still can't believe I agreed to go out with you KNOWING you were seeing three other people. Live and learn.
It may have just been one or two....
And we were teenagers. Teenagers NEVER get it right, except the ones who have their heads on straight. And I certainly didn't at 16 or 19. THOUGHT I did, but c'est la vie:)
You didn't deserve to be treated that way. After all my other relationships you were the one I really cared about.
Comes a time we must move on. Merry christmas
You ARE indirectly mentioned in two of my upcoming books;)
Class Reunion: Brian used to constantly ask me why I was dating you, and I kept defending you (but never slept with B; this is fictional):
“Ahh, but not to a bar where there might be other men who might want to talk to me,” she replied. “I’m not a casual dater, Brian. If I’m with a guy, I don’t even look at other men.”
“I remember. I used to tease you about that guy you dated our junior year….I think I called him ‘No-Neck’ or something. You defended your choice, even though he couldn’t argue his way out of a paper bag without insulting people.”
Natalie giggled. “Holy shit, I’d forgotten that. He and I would go for ice cream after school and he’d brag about his wrestling accomplishments. But try to get him to talk about current events, forget it. He didn’t care unless it was about sports. I wised up after a few weeks.” She yawned against his neck
Endless Love: Geez, didn't realize I had two 'Brians' with your reference in them, or they'd be releasing so close together! CR was written in 2009; EL in 2000:
After the meal was over, Bryan drove to a special spot by the high school. “Remember this spot?” he asked.
“Yes...Over there is where you first asked me to go with you,” Caty smiled, remembering the moment. “We sat on the swings, and all of a sudden you blurted out that you didn’t want me seeing that trumpet player...what was his name? Kevin something...anyway, you said you didn’t want me dating anyone but you, and then you said, ‘Cait, will you be my girlfriend?’, and I said yes.”
“Wow, you remember all that?” Bryan shook his head, amazed. “I just remember the look in your eyes when you slid my class ring on your finger.”
CR was inspired by the two reunions I went to 2009 (Jeff's and McCutcheon's, and when people found out I was published, plus add a lot of alcohol and soon I was hearing stories and 'ideas for (my) next book!'
EL is based on my best friend; I combined two of her boyfriend experiences into one. And Bryan was the name she chose.
One thing which has always bugged me: What was it that either you told your mom about me, or did she read one of my letters to you, that caused her to call my pastor and tell him I was mentally unstable? Not mad or anything-I'm waaaaay over it-but it royally pissed me off. This would have been May 1985; I thought we were going strong (and you may have been also dating other people at the time), but all of a sudden my dad got a phone call, then told me what my pastor told him, and that was the last time I heard from you until you tried to call me in Sept 1993. Dad gave me your phone #, but Kyle was 18 months old and I was married and wanted nothing more to do with you at the time.
That hurt me more than anything.
My mom found one of your letters and called your pastor behind my back when I was at work. She fucked up my life as well. I really cared for you and never got to say sorry. She such my marriage as well
She was a control freak. I wanted us to be together. But mom screwed it up. I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you. Never got over you.
Never wanted to hurt your parents either . They are wonderful people.
Didn't want to upset you. Hope I didn't.
Happy holidays. Hope to keep in touch. When is next class get together.
LOL....as soon as I questioned you about it, I wondered if it was a case of parental interference! In my 1st Kenzie book, All She Ever Wanted (written in 2008), I had an interfering FATHER telling both his son and his g/f a pack of lies to keep them apart, and thought about something like this between you and me ala 'wouldn't it be ironic if....' And then to find out I was RIGHT after all these years....wow. Blows me away. I've always had my ex-boyfriends had them tell me their mothers SLAPPED them for letting me get away. And to have yours, my 1st b/f (my junior high one really doesn't count here...).....wow. Incredible. I thought I loved you at the time also. Kind of explains my downward spiral the fall of '85, but not blaming you. That was entirely due to my own poor choices in men. Then found my soul mate in '86, but a series of misunderstandings caused us to be apart for years. We're good friends now, and joke that when our spouses pass away or we're both free at the same time (he divorced in '08, but remarried a year later. I yelled at him for months about that, lol!), we'll be the two octogenarians finally being together, rofl!
I wondered who Audra's mother was; if you were married to her and why you had custody.
Your mom's act caused me a great deal of pain, but if you had no knowledge of it, it's not your fault. When did you find out? Is that what the phone call in '93 was about? At the time, I was trying to be a good wife and mommy. We'd moved into a 2 brm apt and were talking about having another child, which we did July '94.
I think the next one is in '14, providing the world doesn't end in 10 days, lol:)
I was married to Audra's mom.and that is why I tried to call in 93. While my wife were separated waiting 4 a divorce, my wife new live in boyfriend beat my youngest daughter to death, Audra's sister. That is why I got custody
My youngest name is Ariel
Better get busy. Chores to do. Yeah Rah
OMFG....I'm soooo sorry to hear that. Hope that slimeball is locked up for life. I've never understood the whole 'but I LOOOOVE' him thing, choosing the man over their kids.
Yup; been doing mine between answers:) Have a good day and hope to see you at the next reunion, or the next time I'm in town alone. Hubby is rather anti-social with my HS friends, and refuses to go to any more reunions. He went with me to the 10th, 3 weeks after Sara was born, and was a little put out that all Brian and Mike could talk about was the fact I now had cleavage. I found it humorous; he was bored and thankful I needed to leave around 11pm to go home and feed the daughter. My boobs were HUGE by that time, lol!
He is in prison. After that I had a hard time dating. Always careful about who I brought around Audra. No one was good enough.
BTW.....did you watch my TV interview???
Good for you.
Yes. You look great. Have a good day. Glad we could chat
Have a good day yourself:) And thank you.
Today (12-12-12), I started to think again. What was HE told?
Question: If you were unaware of your mother's actions, what was she telling you, that prevented you from contacting me that summer? Or were there phone calls made that I'm unaware of?
That summer, I was working in Mom's office every morning while my sister had swim practice. I was at Jeff every day until my grandfather passed away July 16th, not counting the 4th of July weekend we went to Gatlinburg. And after his funeral up here, my mom, sis, and I accompanied Grandma back to Florida for a few weeks. Just remembered that. But my afternoons were free, and didn't date anyone. I was too angry/upset with you, and swore off men until I returned to college in late Aug. Not proud of my actions Aug-October, but it was a learning experience I guess. Not trying to guilt trip you; just laying out the facts, from my POV anyway.
I was told that your parents didn't want me to call you. I tried once that summer. But tour dad answered the phone and I chickened out. That is where I screwed up. I'am at Walmart now. Be here latter. Sorry to bring up bad memories.
It's okay:) I needed a good cry:)