Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Always Trust Your Gut....

I've suspected for several weeks now my daughter wasn't being honest with me, and keeping tabs on her cycle has had me praying for two weeks.  Now, a conversation yesterday and a confrontation this morning has confirmed my worst fears:  My 17 year old daughter may have just encountered a huge life choice.

Her boyfriend is a narcissistic know it all; bi-polar; and schitzophrenic.  He was expelled from high school last year at this time.  When they began dating in late November, I wasn't thrilled with him, but he was polite and liked 80's music.  The spouse, however, hated him on sight and after New Year's, refused to have him in the house.  Super Bowl Sunday arrived, and a huge blowup between the spouse, the daughter, and E.  Daughter followed E out the door.  And a huge family war erupted.  We almost had to declare her a runaway (she returned home and agreed to cooperate); E put in jail (for trespassing and for threatening Face Book messages); and feared for our safety.

Eventually, I did get her into counseling, which seemed to work.  They broke up/got back together/broke up again every month.  E ruined a family dinner at Applebee's b/c of texting her constantly throughout the meal.  When we returned home, she jumped out of the car and ran into his arms, begging him to take her back.

Recently, he's gotten upset over her stomach illness.  And she broke up with him (returned his class ring) for 3 days before taking him back.

This morning she admitted they are sexually active.  And using condoms.

My daughter's last period was the week of Sept. 5th.  Do the math; she's 2-3 weeks late.

I really don't want her to have a child with his half of the DNA code.  So I'm hoping fervently this is a false alarm, and we can go get her tubes tied  get her on the Pill.

I'm admittedly pro-choice; I believe in the woman's right to choose.  I had a scare once and went to the free clinic and saw the films.  Decided right then and there I'd never do it, but would rather have it safe and legal than illegal and have women die for their choices.

I'm also pro-adoption.  I have a good friend whose son is adopted, and I love him like one of my own.

For my daughter, I'd push for Option #1.  But during a conversation about options, she declared she's against it.  Okay; there's Option #2 and wonder about it the rest of my life....but at the same time, my daughter is in NO WAY ready for this kind of responsibility.  She wants to go to college and be a Vet Tech.  Or a dog trainer.

My youngest was born when she was 10.  Did that teach her NOTHING about what babies are like?  She always said she wasn't going to have one after seeing what her brother was like.  I'd hoped she remembered it.

Yes, my daughter is good with other people's kids.  And animals adore her.  But is she ready for this consequence?  I don't think so.

Next step is to get her to the clinic for the test.

After that I'll know if I'll need the strength to tell her father.

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