Marriage Views

I'm probably going to piss off a lot of people; therefore I'm glad I don't advertise this blog!  I found the following on Face Book the other day:

I had a conversation today in which I expressed my delight that our president, OUR PRESIDENT, finally came out in support of gay marriage. “This is huge,” I said, sincerely. 
The woman with whom I spoke simply looked at me, genuinely surprised by my excitement. “Really?” she asked. 
“Yes! Of course,” was my response. Then with all seriousness she looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s just a piece of paper.” 


It’s just a piece of paper? It’s JUST a piece of paper? Are you freaking kidding me? 
It’s a just piece of paper that SHE is legally permitted to obtain and throw away at her leisure- and has done so TWICE. 
It’s just a piece of paper that elevates those in the LGBT community- our fathers and our mothers, our brothers and our sisters, our daughters and our sons- out of the realm of second-class citizen and onto equal footing with their peers. 
It’s just a piece of paper that grants all the legal rights & privileges that most heterosexual couples take for granted.
It‘s just a piece of paper that evokes a sense of acceptance and normalcy.
It’s just a piece of paper that declares to the world that an American ideal has finally been upheld, that our civil rights are indeed inalienable (as our forefathers contended) and therefore must be granted EQUALLY to every American citizen! 


It's not JUST a piece of paper. It's THE piece of paper!


Ohhhhh boooooyyyyyy.......

First of all, I'm a firm believer in Marriage= One Man, One Woman.

I fully think Obama's 'switch' is politically motivated, NOT his own views.

I have nothing against the gay/lesbian community; I think if they choose to live in committed relationships, awesome!  Get a civil union and draw up a will.  And by all means, have a child/adopt a child.

Now, let's tackle the 'piece of paper' comment.

Yes, there are people who view 'marriage' as such.  I find these people despicable.  Marriage takes MORE than a piece of paper.  It requires commitment; love; respect; and the willingness to work through issues together.  If all efforts to resolve differences fail, despite counseling, or if abuse is evident, then by all means dissolve the marriage and move on.  You may have married the wrong person or for the wrong reasons.

And yes, there are those who don't 'get' this.

GLBT community on 'equal footing'?  Are you kidding me?

I personally don't care if you're gay.  As far as I'm concerned, we're all on equal ground here.  Just because I happen to disagree with your definition of marriage doesn't change anything.  Yes, there are 'married' same-sex couples with a better track record than heterosexual 'marrieds'.  It all comes down to commitment to each other and IF it is based on biblical principles.

"Marriage':  One man, one woman standing before God and publicly professing their love, commitment, and vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.

'Civil Union':  Two people, hetero or same-sex, professing their love and commitment to each other.  This is NOT sanctioned by biblical principles, and has become more acceptable in the last twenty years or so.

If you choose to believe in God, yet stay in same-sex relationship, it's a matter of personal choice.  I'm not condoning it; you're the one who will ultimately stand before God and be judged accordingly.

If you subscribe to any other religion, the same applies.  I'm not going to force my beliefs down your throat, and expect you not to do likewise.  Everyone's entitled to their opinion; this happens to be mine.

And yes, I address this issue in book #6 of Arbor U:)

WTH???

Yesterday at church, we had a visiting monk, touting his annual 'please-support-our-efforts'.  I like Fr. Brendan; he has an excellent sense of humor and you can tell he really likes people.  But in the middle of his sermon, he touched on something I was not aware of.  And had to do a little research.

According to the new 'health care law', which goes into effect Aug 1st, all health care plans will be required to offer free contraceptives, including sterilizations, and that certain religious organizations are exempt 'until they adapt to the new law'.

Fr. Brendan informed us that no longer will Catholic hospitals and schools provide health care for its workers; Catholic Charities will no longer be able to provide adoptive services; and any religious college has to provide contraceptives to their female students.

Okay; I get why many Catholics are up in arms over this, and admittedly, it's the older generation, with a few of the more 'I'm Catholic, and this is our law/rule, so I'm going to abide by it' younger generation.

But can't they meet somewhere in the middle?  Only provide the contraceptives for those who WANT it?  

I'll admit; the first time I was exposed to the Catholic views, I scoffed at the notion of having to 'get permission' from Rome, just to obtain a divorce or even marry a divorced person.  Or for women to receive a special dispensation for having a medical reason to be on birth control.  Or for a woman be told 'if you're not going to provide children, then you must live with your husband in a celibate way' (paraphrasing from Common Ground).  I found this one ludicrous.

And then when I'd ask other Catholics about this practice, I only had one male tell me if he impregnated his girlfriend, he wouldn't marry her until after the baby was born.  WTH????  Girls told me they used protection, regardless of the Church's teaching, especially now since AIDS was an issue.  Celibacy was an option few women chose.  One of my best friends, on the eve of her marriage, informed me her own mother took her to get on the Pill, since she and her new hubby were about to spend a year on the road.  He was a truck driver, so they were taking an extended honeymoon, to show her parts of the US she'd never seen before.

"But isn't that against your religion?"

"Yes, but many don't follow that rule anymore.  In this day and age, it just isn't practical."

Contrast this with a family we met ten years ago.

They were low-income; she home-schooled her children; the husband was a reformed alcoholic with his own business.  They currently had five children, and at the time we first met them, were hoping they were pregnant again.  Church issues came up in discussion, and they admitted they used the Family Planning method, approved by the Church.  And yes, she was pregnant again.

Two years later, child #7 arrived.  We had gotten friendly at the this point, so I knew more about their financial concerns, and it still blew my mind they were crammed into a tiny house, dependent on food stamps, and other government assistance.  And another two years later, she miscarried baby #8 and was told by the doctor to stop having kids; she was putting her own health in danger.  This put her into depression, for she felt she was not 'fulfilling God's promise'.  Thankfully, she did regain her cheerful self again.

But my question is, what is this teaching her children?  That's it's okay to keep having children you can barely afford to raise?

I think it's time for the Catholic Church to stay out of women's health care.

Decisions, Decisions....

What do you do when a loved one makes a request, out of the blue, which knocks you speechless?  When this loved one wants to act out a fantasy, which goes way beyond the boundaries of every moral belief you ever held?

"I just want this to be about pleasure and take this to the next level.  Was hoping you'd want to, but if not, then okay...."

I'm soooo torn.  On one hand, yes, it would certainly be exciting and also come under 'research'; on the other hand, seriously????  I'm adventurous, but don't think I'm THAT adventurous!

I mean, what happens if things go horribly wrong?  I don't want this to affect our relationship.  On one hand, if it enhances it, fine.  If it's a one-time thing plus enhances it, fine.  But what happens if I allow this and am so guilt-ridden afterward?  Or this destroys our relationship?

It ultimately comes down to trust.  And I do trust him.

I'm just not sure I trust myself to accept the consequences.

Grow Up!

Received a phone call yesterday.  Again, I didn't have to answer it, but since this person hadn't called on my birthday, and it's so close to the holidays, I opened my phone.  And was regretting it two minutes later.

"Happy belated birthday by the way....I'm sick with the stomach flu.  I need you to come take care of me."  Are you INSANE?  With everything I have to do?  Hell NO!


"No can do.  I'm wrapping gifts and doing last minute stuff.  You're just going to have to let it run its course."

"But my laundry is piling up....I haven't seen you in YEARS.....and oh, have you told E about S yet?"  You have family in the area; I am NOT going to drive down to do your laundry; and the last time I was in town, you couldn't be bothered to return my phone call!  And lately, the only time you call me is when you're whining about something!  So yeah, maybe this 'friendship' is getting a little one-sided....


"Yes, I told her last night.  She told me she was sorry and that she'd pray for us."

"That's IT?  No lecture?  No condemnation?"  OMFG...E has other things to worry about other than her adopted niece being pregnant....her husband's two nieces had kids at 17 also!  She's used to it, sadly enough....just as long as her own daughters behave themselves....."She must be mellowing out."

"Maybe.  Look, I've got to get going; I need to run to the store for milk and toilet paper.  Give me your new address so I can send your Christmas card out....Thanks; Merry Christmas and Happy New Year."

It's hard witnessing the last choking stages of a dying friendship.  In the past twenty-six years, she's been loyal; funny; supportive; and relieved when she 'came out' to me and I didn't judge her.  I was there for her when her relationships imploded.  I was there for her when her mom passed away.  And in the past three years since she's moved back to her hometown, she's reverted to an almost teenage mentality.

She calls me when she's sick.  When she's having issues with a destructive relationship.  When she's feuding with her family.  Or expecting me to drop everything and come take care of her.

I'm tired of listening to her drama.  I'm tired of her thinking everything's the same as it was twenty years ago. Why is it some people don't seem to grow up?

Sometimes I think the only reason two of my former best friends stay around is because "Hey, Molly's making a name for herself!  We might actually know a celebrity soon!"

And I do have a fear that if I end these friendships, they know too much about things I'd rather not divulge.  Not that I'll ever end up on TMZ or Extra or the tabloids....but my kids don't need to know everything!

Congratulate Me...

I've made it to six months w/o a Certain Person.  Yes, we're sort of still in touch; I emailed CP when all hell broke loose last month, and CP emailed back with sympathies.  I still feel pain when I think about the events over the past year (or two), but as long as CP is happy, I'm happy.

And something continues to tell me it's not over yet.  You just don't let 25 years of friendship die because the one you love's career not taking off like you'd hoped!

The longest we've ever gone w/o contact is 2 years.  And that was before the advent of email.  Since email, our 'benchmark' is 18 months.  So we'll see what happens this time next year.

I've gone as long as a month w/o emailing, and it produced weekly emails from CP, sometimes three per day.  That proves CP values our friendship.

OMG....What's Wrong With Me?

So I've been skipping over the sex scenes again.  Even in the sensual ones.  For instance, I just finished one of my favorite books by Ms CSP, about a dragon.  And only skimmed the sex scenes, reading the dialogue.  Which isn't that unusual; I go through cycles all the time.

But I just popped over to one of my favorite blogs and discovered today's post features six bare-chested me in various positions.  Just pick one which rings your bells and explain why in the comments and you might win a free book.  There are already 23 comments.

My problem?  I don't like any of them.  So what does that say about me?  Am I finally reached that stage of my life where a bare-chested, BUILT man doesn't turn me on?

Or am I just jaded?  After all, I have the man I want and he's none of those men.  They also all look the same.  Or it could be just the winter blahs setting in.

OMFG....
Just attended one of those annoying 'real time' chats...the kind where you have to type at the speed of light/interrupt everyone instead of replying to a post?  One of the authors has-get this- a 50-page MEMOIR.  Are you KIDDING me?  Fifty PAGES?  I think my love life from age 12-25 fills THAT much!  And while hers is admittedly about her disability and how she's overcome it, I still think a memoir should be longer....and the publisher is going to print this short story 'memoir'?  I'm sorry....my contract says a book only meets print standards if it is 70K or more.  But I guess this is what happens when you're an 'inspiration' and a 'pet' author.

Video conferencing was tossed out as a 'gee, wouldn't this be nice?' But I say, I like the anonymity of the chat; no one can see me gagging, rubbing my fingers together, or rolling my eyes.  I don't know; maybe I'm just having one of those cynical nights.  But I found this annoying.

Always Trust Your Gut....

I've suspected for several weeks now my daughter wasn't being honest with me, and keeping tabs on her cycle has had me praying for two weeks.  Now, a conversation yesterday and a confrontation this morning has confirmed my worst fears:  My 17 year old daughter may have just encountered a huge life choice.

Her boyfriend is a narcissistic know it all; bi-polar; and schitzophrenic.  He was expelled from high school last year at this time.  When they began dating in late November, I wasn't thrilled with him, but he was polite and liked 80's music.  The spouse, however, hated him on sight and after New Year's, refused to have him in the house.  Super Bowl Sunday arrived, and a huge blowup between the spouse, the daughter, and E.  Daughter followed E out the door.  And a huge family war erupted.  We almost had to declare her a runaway (she returned home and agreed to cooperate); E put in jail (for trespassing and for threatening Face Book messages); and feared for our safety.

Eventually, I did get her into counseling, which seemed to work.  They broke up/got back together/broke up again every month.  E ruined a family dinner at Applebee's b/c of texting her constantly throughout the meal.  When we returned home, she jumped out of the car and ran into his arms, begging him to take her back.

Recently, he's gotten upset over her stomach illness.  And she broke up with him (returned his class ring) for 3 days before taking him back.

This morning she admitted they are sexually active.  And using condoms.

My daughter's last period was the week of Sept. 5th.  Do the math; she's 2-3 weeks late.

I really don't want her to have a child with his half of the DNA code.  So I'm hoping fervently this is a false alarm, and we can go get her tubes tied  get her on the Pill.

I'm admittedly pro-choice; I believe in the woman's right to choose.  I had a scare once and went to the free clinic and saw the films.  Decided right then and there I'd never do it, but would rather have it safe and legal than illegal and have women die for their choices.

I'm also pro-adoption.  I have a good friend whose son is adopted, and I love him like one of my own.

For my daughter, I'd push for Option #1.  But during a conversation about options, she declared she's against it.  Okay; there's Option #2 and wonder about it the rest of my life....but at the same time, my daughter is in NO WAY ready for this kind of responsibility.  She wants to go to college and be a Vet Tech.  Or a dog trainer.

My youngest was born when she was 10.  Did that teach her NOTHING about what babies are like?  She always said she wasn't going to have one after seeing what her brother was like.  I'd hoped she remembered it.

Yes, my daughter is good with other people's kids.  And animals adore her.  But is she ready for this consequence?  I don't think so.

Next step is to get her to the clinic for the test.

After that I'll know if I'll need the strength to tell her father.